Self-rejection is a form of self-sabotage and usually centers around us telling ourselves that we are not good enough. This type of thinking might start out in reminiscing about times you’ve failed at something, or you’ll think about a time when you tried to do something, and someone told you that you weren’t good enough. Self-rejection is a form of self-sabotage and limiting beliefs. Often, we are not even the creators of these thoughts, they are projected onto us by our caregivers or role models. So how do they play out? Well, often you’ll decide to quit while you’re ahead. Or maybe you’ll decide to never even start because nothing good happens for you anyway. Maybe you honestly believe that you aren’t worthy of the good things that could be happening in your life. Once we begin to tap into this negative thinking cycle, it becomes easier and easier to shy away from challenges and to give up. Life in all of its various lessons, shows us time and time again that we receive what we attract. We can be hoping for good and bountiful blessing, but if in our minds and habits, we aren’t living those actions out, then we’re going to receive the things that we’ve aligned ourselves for.
How these things affect us:
I have always said “I’ll never talk myself out of something, whoever is in charge of the hiring or selection process will have to tell me no!”, and I’ve always meant that. Regardless of whether or not you’re a risk a taker, you’ve experienced some form of external rejection. Maybe you wanted to give someone a gift and they didn’t respond the way you planned, maybe you expected a discussion to go a different way, or maybe you shot your shot and baby you struck out. The external rejection that we experience can change the way that we view ourselves and cause us to second guess. I recently learned this new term called “paralysis by analysis”, which means that after we’ve thought about doing something, we start analyzing the risk, the reward, our skillset, past failures, and future regrets. The goal of today’s episode is to help you understand how self-rejection shows up, how it affects our decision making, and how we can overcome it.
Introduction: (Keith Khronicles Crossover)
- As a child your feelings were invalidated:
- Caregivers did not make you feel safe in expressing yourself.
- To express yourself was seen as disrespectful.
- Caregivers didn’t apologize to you when they were wrong.
- Caregivers did not protect you from harm.
- You did not learn how to expand on describing your emotions.
- You don’t believe you’re worthy of good things:
- When good things happen, you’re waiting for the shoe to drop.
- Abandonment issues
- You prefer familiarity over comfort
- You’re expecting things to not work out:
- Past failures cloud your judgement
- Having a negative social circle
- Imposter Syndrome: Internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be.
- Superhero: overwork themselves to make up for how inadequate they are.
- Natural Genius: Sets exceedingly high goals, feels crushed when they don’t meet them.
- Expert: Never satisfied with their level of understanding, always trying to learn more.
- Perfectionist: Never completely happy with their work, fixated on flaws instead of strengths.
- Soloist: Prefer to work along, won’t ask for help for fear of appearing weak or incompetent.
- Life has discouraged you in the past:
- Paralysis by analysis: state of overthinking or over-analyzing any circumstances so that a decision or action gets too much delayed or never taken and paralyzes the outcome.
- You tried to step out on faith, you ‘failed’, you fear future failures.
- Call it out.
- Identify how it shows up in your life.
- Start working with the easiest way it shows up and build up from there.
- Celebrate your small victories.
- When the small voice creeps in, challenge it.
- Confront it to break the cycle of it!
For the video please visit CoachLatham_PHD over at the YouTube channel!
Until next time, be kind to yourself, and be kind to others.